Cullens on Facebook Dos!
by twihardgleek20
Summary: The second installment to Twilight and Facebook Equal Some Weirdness! Here's to more crazy Facebook adventures with the Cullens! We'll have some guests coming in to be part of the story, and oh my God, you guy's will be laughing the entire way to the end! R&R OOC Rated T for language!
1. Mean Gurlz

**A/N Real quick! I'm back, Toodlerz! I swear now, by the way. Won't use the F word though. I don't wanna have to go into an M rating. Alright, well, enjoy this friggin' hilarious sequel! Everyone loves sequels, right? –T**

**Chapter 1: Mean Gurlz**

**Emmy Cullen: **OHEMGEE JUST WATCHED MEAN GURLZ TEXT IT.

Bella Cullen, Nessie Cullen, and 12 others Like this

Comments:

**Esme Cullen:** Emmett, why the hell is your name Emmy?

**Bella Cullen:** Oh my God, Esme, you can't just ask people why there name is what it is.

**Emmy Cullen:** I'm gonna pitch-slap you so hard, your man boobs are gonna concave.

**Bella Cullen:** Wrong movie…

**Emmy Cullen:** Oh. What movie did I just quote then.

**Esme Cullen: **Pitch Perfect! Duh!

**Edward Cullen: **OHMYGOD I LOVE THAT MOVIE ASDFGHJKL;

**Bella Cullen: **Sweetie, what's wrong with your whole life?

**Edward Cullen: **Why ya gotta be so mean?!

**Emmy Cullen: **Yeah, bitchy Bella! Why ya gotta be so meaaaaaaaan?!

**Esme Cullen: **Oh, guys, let's leave bitchy Bella alone now. Okay?

**Bella Cullen: **Why is everyone calling me bitchy Bella?! Wahhhh)':

**Charlie Swan:** 'Cause you is a bitch, Bellzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzz.

**Bella Cullen: **Please tell me you're not high.

**Carhizzle Cyrus: **kihgfbihgfhufghu HIGHHHHHHHHHH.

**Bella Cullen: **Shit.

**Esme Cullen: **Shitty.

**Edward Cullen: **On my shitty, shit, shit.

**Nessie Cullen: **Why's errybody sayin' shit.

**Bella Cullen: **Whoop. There goes Nessie's innocence.

**Nessie Cullen: **I think it's time we had the talk.

**Esme Cullen: **No.

**Edward Cullen: **NO! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

**Bella Cullen: **Silence, young Padawan.

**Emmy Cullen: **Dafaq.

* * *

**Nessie Cullen: **LOLOL my mom told me she has to give me this talk. Whatever. Bring it, bitchy Bella.

247 People Like this.

Edward Cullen is screaming, "NOOOOOOOOOOO." 

Comments: 

**Bella Cullen: **First of all, NEVER call me bitchy Bella, or I'll kill you.

**Nessie Cullen: **Tf.

**Bella Cullen: **I don't even know what that means. But okay.

**Nessie Cullen: **Why are you such a dipshit?

**Bella Cullen: **Anyways. Let's have the talk.

**Nessie Cullen: **Over the internet? Shit.

**Bella Cullen: **It's called the Birds and the Bees.

**Nessie Cullen: **And we're done here bye.

**Bella Cullen: **Ness, this is important!

**Bella Cullen: **Nessie?

**Bella Cullen: **RENESMEE ANSWER YOUR MOTHER.

**Edward Cullen: **She went offline, dammit! Stfu!

**Bella Cullen:** I hate life. D':

* * *

Bella Cullen has changed her name to Bitchy-Bella Cullen

Edward Cullen, Esme Cullen, Charlie Swan, and 14 other people Like this.

Comments:

**Emmy Cullen: **'Bout damn time!

**Edward Cullen: **Oh, shut up. It was gonna come anyways.

**Emmy Cullen: **Are you sure that's the only thing that was gonna—

**Edward Cullen: **EMMETT THIS IS ONLY T RATED WE CAN'T TALK ABOUT THAT SHIT.

**Emmy Cullen: **But Bella almost gave the Birds and the Bees talk!

**Edward Cullen: **She ALMOST did.

**Emmy Cullen: **Ah. Fak you.

* * *

**Emmy Cullen: **Fak you fak you fak you fak you.

Edward Cullen dislikes this.

Esme Cullen doesn't wanna know.

Comments:

**Edward Cullen: **Come on, Emmett. I know this is about me. This is so childish it hurts.

**Emmy Cullen: **Fak you.

**Hillary Duff: **Hai y'all.

**Emmy Cullen: **Wtf gtfo no one likes you anymore.

**Edward Cullen: **Sorry, Hill!

**Emmy Cullen: **I'm too sexy for my shirt.

**Rosalie Hale: **Aha, yupp.

**Emmy Cullen: **(;

**Edward Cullen: **Why the hell do I have to get in the middle of this.

**Emmy Cullen: **Fak you all. Except Rosie.

**A/N Eh, you likey? I hope so! I hope so! I hope so! :D This is easy to update on a regular basis, so, next Saturday? Kay, love yous, bye! –T **


	2. Hay gurl hay

**A/N I know this is late. Really late, and I'm terribly sorry. My computer broke and I lost a lot of files and then my family came to stay for like a month. I'm back now and ready to make you laugh.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight sadly. *Insert sad emoji here***

**Chapter 2: Hay gurl hay.**

**Bella Cullen: **I'm getting real sick and tired of your shit, Emmett.

All the Cullens agree and like this.

Comments:

**Esme Cullen: **Aren't we all, dearest?

**Emmett Cullen: **Excuse you bitches.

**Renesmee Cullen: **That is a mean word, Uncle Emmett.

**Emmett Cullen: **LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT.

**Bella Cullen: **EMMETT WHAT THE ACTUAL BLOODY HELL.

**Esme Cullen: **Oh are we British now or.

**Renesmee Cullen: **Why can't we just get along ;-;

**Bella Cullen: **What the hell is ;-;

**Renesmee Cullen: **Mom it's a crying emoticon get with it GOD.

**Bella Cullen: **Oh ;-;

**Emmett Cullen: **Yeah Bella get with the program.

**Esme Cullen: **You children are disgraces.

* * *

**Emmett Cullen: **I am so sick of Bella's shit.

Bella Cullen and Edward Cullen Dislikes this

The rest of the Cullen's Like this

Comments:

**Bella Cullen: **Are you serious Emmett. You wanna go?

**Emmett Cullen: **Like I could _ever _be scared of you.

**Edward Cullen: **Emmett say you're sorry.

**Emmett Cullen: **Why do I have to say sorry wHEN SHE STARTED THIS SHIT.

**Edward Cullen: **You have a point.

**Bella Cullen: **Acca-scuse me?

**Emmett Cullen: **Acca-believe it.

**Edward Cullen: **Bella say sorry.

**Bella Cullen: **No way man.

**Emmett Cullen: **I am going to cry if you don't.

**Bella Cullen: **Fine. I'm sorry ya little shit.

**Edward Cullen: **Oh good Lordy. Well. That's a start.

**Emmett Cullen: **HOLY SHIT NO IT'S NOT.

**Bella Cullen: **How exactly is shit holy.

**Edward Cullen: **I've thought of this myself.

**Bella Cullen: **Oh, Edward I love you.

**Edward Cullen: **Let's go do it on the bed now.

**Bella Cullen: **K.

**Emmett Cullen: **EXCUSE ME I STILL WANT AN APOLOGY.

**Emmett Cullen: **GUYS.

**Emmett Cullen: **I WILL KILL YOU ALL.

* * *

**Esme Cullen: ** What the hell is going on with my children like oh lawdy IT'S ON FIRE.

Carlisle Cullen Likes this

Edward Cullen, Bella Cullen, Alice Cullen and 3 others dislike this

Comments:

**Emmett Cullen: **Are you kidding me.

**Bella Cullen: **YOU WANNA GO BITCH.

**Esme Cullen: **GLADLY.

**Carlisle Cullen: **Let's all just calm down for a minute.

**Alice Cullen: **Jaz and I didn't even do anything!

**Rosalie Hale: **Well don't look at me.

**Emmett Cullen: **I will look at you Rosie.

**Rosalie Hale: **I will get you a full cup and then you need to sHUT THE FULL CUP UP.

**Emmett Cullen: **Oh):

**Jasper Hale: **Hey y'all.

**Emmett Cullen: **Hay gurl hay.

**Jasper Hale: **EXCUSE YOU BITCH.

**Esme Cullen: **EVERYONE LET'S JUST GET CALM.

**Renesmee Cullen: **Oh lawdy the stove is on fire.

**Bella Cullen: **Not now, Ness.

**Renesmee Cullen: **But it's really on fire…

**Edward Cullen: **I'll get the extinguisher.

**Jacob Black: **The fact this has happened more than once doe.

**Bella Cullen: **Can you not.

* * *

**Charlie Swan: **All I want for my birthday is a big booty hoe.

Sue Clearwater, Seth Clearwater, Bella Cullen and 6 others Like this

Comments: 

**Charlie Swan: **Whoa why so many likes.

**Sue Clearwater: **Can I be your big booty hoe?

**Charlie Swan: **How about no.


	3. Swagitty Swag, What's in the Bag?

**A/N: Well howdy there, partners! I'm watching Doctor Who and writing at the same time, so, excuse me if things get a tad wibbly-wobbley-timey-wimey. I suppose I owe you an apology. I'm sorry I haven't been able to update. I've been busy with school and the play I was doing. We did the Music Man. If you care. But I'm here now and I hope you enjoy this chapter! See you at the bottom loves. –T **

**Disclaimer: I've never owned Twilight sadly but I do own my ideas so. *insert white girl emoji here***

**Chapter 3: Swagitty Swag, What's in the Bag?**

**Emmett Cullen: **I am too sexy fo' mah shirt.

Rosalie Hale Likes this

Everyone Else is still sick of Emmett's shit

Comments: 

**Rosalie Hale:** Ohhhhh yes. Unf.

**Emmett Cullen: **Just for you, baby. ;)

**Renesmee Cullen: **OHKAY GUYS STAHP BEING HORNY I AM RIGHT HERE.

**Bella Cullen: **DON'T YOU TWO HAVE ANY RESPECT AT ALL. LIKE OHMIGAWWWWD.

**Renesmee Cullen: **What. The. Hell. Mom.

**Bella Cullen: ** Wat Ness I'm sorry.

**Rosalie Hale: **Can you go now.

**Emmett Cullen: **Please and thanks.

**Bella Cullen: **Stahp being horny where all your friends and family can see then.

**Renesmee Cullen: **Mom don't bring it up it's embarrassing to them.

**Bella Cullen: **It's embarrassing being your mom, you asshole.

**Renesmee Cullen: **Oh.

* * *

**Edward Cullen: **Swagitty swag, what's in the bag?

Bella Cullen Dislikes this.

Comments:

**Bella Cullen: **Your virginity. That's what.

**Renesmee Cullen: **Mom I'm pretty sure he's not a virgin.

**Bella Cullen: **Silence you lil shit.

**Edward Cullen: ** Um acca-scuse me but I am not a virgin.

**Emmett Cullen: **You go, little brother!

**Edward Cullen: **I'm pretty sure I haven't been a virgin for a while.

**Emmett Cullen: **It all started when Nessie was conceived.

**Renesmee Cullen: **HOLY SHIT CAN WE NOT TALK ABOUT HOW I WAS CONCIEVED KTHANKS.

**Emmett Cullen: **We could sing about it.

**Renesmee Cullen: **How are you gonna sing about it.

**Bella Cullen: **Let's talk about sex, baby.

**Edward Cullen: **Let's talk about you and me.

**Emmett Cullen: **Let's tALK ABOUT ALL THE GOOD THINGS AND THE BAD THINGS THAT MAY BE.

**Bella Cullen: **LET'S TALK ABOUT SEX.

**Renesmee Cullen: **Anyways dad what is in the bag.

**Edward Cullen: **Weeping angels.

**Renesmee Cullen: **shIT NO NO NO NOT TODAY.

**Edward Cullen: **Yes today.

* * *

**Renesmee Cullen: **guiSE MY DAD HAS A WEEPING ANGEL IN A BAG K AND IT WILL KILL US ALL.

Edward Cullen is laughing hysterically.

Bella Cullen is disappointed in Edward Cullen.

Renesmee Cullen is freaking out.

Everyone is confused.

Comments: 

**Emmett Cullen: **What the hell is a "weeping angel?"

**Renesmee Cullen: **They're creepy-ass angel statues that can kill you.

**Alice Cullen: **It's a Doctor Who reference.

**The Doctor: **Weeping angels? Geronimo!

**Emmett Cullen: **…

**Alice Cullen: **…

**Renesmee Cullen: **Oh my God. Was that the Doctor.

**The Doctor: **Yes it was.

**Renesmee Cullen: ***swoon*

**Renesmee Cullen: **OHMIGAWD I LURVE YOU.

**River Song: **Sorry girlfriend, but he is taken.

**Rose Tyler: **Excuse you but he was _mine _first.

**River Song: **But now you have the human Doctor so you should be all set.

**Rose Tyler: **Damn you.

**Renesmee Cullen: **HOLY HELL DOCTOR WHO CHARACTERS ARE ON MY PAGE WELL SHIT THIS IS GRAND.

**Alice Cullen: **Did you just say "grand?"

**Renesmee Cullen: **Shh. Don't talk. You're injured.

**Emmett Cullen: **Awe snap.

**A/N: I suppose I don't know when I'll update next. I'm trying to focus on finishing Misery Business so I'll have more time for this story. But I hope you enjoyed the third chapter! Stay** **golden. –T **


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